It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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