I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
