Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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