Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
