I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
