Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
