I'm jealous of your bromance
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
