DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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