Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
