My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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