OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
