Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize