she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
