we're blogging at a bar
I just made out with a guy for $7.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
