Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
