his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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