I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
how does that bad decision feel?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
