Umm I'm too high to move.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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