it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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