Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My ATM looks so different sober.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
