I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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