If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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