so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
