I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
