thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
