Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
