Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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