She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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