hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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