She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
