WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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