She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
