My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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