I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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