Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
