sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
