I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It's never too late to be topless.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
