So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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