Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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