do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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