you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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