her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
