took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
