I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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