yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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