wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
