Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
