when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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