i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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