New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You ruined the universe
Randomize