Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
