we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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