someone threw a dead crab at me
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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