we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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