Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
