i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
