nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
it's great music for shaving your balls
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
