Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Well I just put wine in my tea
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize