He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
