I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
