I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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