It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
