OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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