Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Just puked most of my soul out..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
