overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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