it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
