if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
