I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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