Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
