I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
