i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Randomize
