That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
