Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Holy shit dude........stairs
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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