I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So vagazzling was a success
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
